Discussing Difficult Topics

I was the director of a small nonprofit that provided services and support for adults who lived with mental illness. One of the members was suffering from a severe case of halitosis, more commonly known as bad breath. Everyone wanted to complain about him but no one wanted to talk to him about it. As the director, it became my responsibility. Knowing this was going to be a hard conversation for him as he was a very proud individual, I made sure the conversation happened in a safe space. It was not in my office, where there might be an appearance of a power dynamic in my favor. I made sure we both had the time to talk, we met in private in one of the units at a table face to face as equals. I framed the conversation around the side effects that many medications cause, one being dry mouth that can lead to bad breath. He told me this was one of his side effects and together we came up with a solution; mints placed discreetly in a cabinet that he had access to.

This conversation is an example of the many difficult situations we run up against on a daily basis. Maybe it is is a friend who is always late, a boss who pushes their tasks onto you or the neighbor whose kids have a regular loud weekend party well into the early morning hours. In the bigger picture these things may seems trivial, but if we are able to have uncomfortable conversations with small stuff, then when it comes to bigger stuff, we are already there.

 People like to be validated in their opinions. Social media and in particular, echo chambers serve to stop hard conversations because people become afraid to share their true feelings or challenge the larger group's attitude. Different perspectives are avoided and the larger group's beliefs are strengthened.

Dialogue provides this opportunity.  By coming to the conversation with an attitude of curiosity and respect, making sure there is time and space to talk, actively and empathetically listening, and asking open-ended questions, the foundation is laid to find a solution to whatever difficult topic you are having. Today is might be a conversation with your friend about her lateness tomorrow with your legislator discussing the protection of human rights.