Ask Questions

  Asking questions is a way to understand each another as it allows for deeper conversations.  Open-ended questions provide an opportunity for people to clearly communicate their opinions, hopes, fears and experiences. Open-ended questions can provide answers when there is disagreement.

As a distance runner, the cornerstone of my weekly running schedule is the Sunday long run. Over the years, I have been very fortunate to always have had a group to share the miles with. There is something about running that seems to be so conducive to having deep conversations. Maybe it is because the components of dialogue are present: time to chat, the shared experience of pounding out the miles, being able to really listen because there is not a lot to distract you, and as we are all on the road together as equals, the space is safe both physically and emotionally. In this way is becomes natural to ask open-ended questions.

I have had so many meaningful conversations on these long runs that have provided insight about my fellow comrades. Running might be a shared love, but that does not mean we are all the same. Larry and I on paper could not be more different, he was ex-military and a hard core Republican, me at the time, a stay at home mom who bled blue. I remember running together one long hot summer discussing the upcoming presidential election between George W. Bush and Al Gore. We had many a discussion about our beliefs and why we felt the way we did. Asking open-ended questions allowed me to understand how his service in Afghanistan shaped his thoughts. In the end, we didn't change each other's minds, but developed a respect for each other's opinions because we knew we each believed in our convictions.

I am not suggesting everyone start running to begin asking questions, although I would never dissuade anyone from doing so... But I will suggest to try asking an open-ended question once in awhile. Instead of asking how someone is, maybe ask, what things they did that day, something that requires more than a one word answer, like fine or okay. You might just be surprised as to where the conversation takes you.