Attitude

I often joke that being from Jersey means we naturally have an abundance of confidence and attitude. The attitude I am talking about is more along the lines of a kick ass and take names approach. Attitude when dialoguing is a little bit different. It refers to treating everyone with respect, openness and curiosity.  When conversations are approached with openness, it makes building relationships easier. It provides and opportunity to gain better insight into other people's thoughts and can encourage a change in our own behavior. Attitude is especially important when having difficult conversations, because it is even more important to show respect and empathy.

I am reminded of the unlikely friendship between the late Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. On paper it would seem they had nothing in common, she was part of the liberal side of the bench and he the conservative. And yet, they had a close friendship throughout most of their lives. They bonded over their mutual love of opera, good food and wine and their childhood growing up in New York City. Their families became friends and they often rang in the New Year together.

So what gives? It is all about respect. They respected each other and even though they had different approaches to their job, they acknowledged they were both dedicated to the Constitution, the Court and their country. And though they often disagreed, they understood the difference between attacking the idea and not the individual.

Social media and in particular echo chambers stop us from engaging with others who have different views from us, as we lean towards associating with those who share our ideas and beliefs. When faced with a conversation with a new person who may be different, it becomes more difficult because we are out of practice, stuck in a rut of only connecting with those who are similar to us. Sometimes it takes a child to remind us of how easy it can be to be open and curious.

I was checking out at the supermarket the other day and a parent and her young child were behind me in line. The little girl was very curious about all of the items I had purchased that were now on the checkout belt. We had a lovely conversation, which included her mom as well. I left with a new recipe for dinner and a smile on my face. Maybe that Jersey attitude I am always joking about is really an abundance of respect and curiosity...