Principle Four:

Listening

Listening empathetically requires one to listen with kindness, so they feel seen and heard.  Listening must be done with a deep sense of respect and humility.  In segregated societies such as the United States, there are fewer opportunities to listen.  Listening requires focus and presence.  It is important not to let one’s own thoughts and biases interfere with listening.  These perceptions might lead to judgment before the person has finished speaking (Borhan, 2023). 

 

Discuss with your client if during conversations, they find themselves thinking more about their response than being fully present in the conversation.  Ask if they put their phone down when speaking with someone.

 

The below activity asks the client to listen actively (with full attention), reflectively (repeating back what was said) and radically (listening without bias).

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Activity:

The client is told the following simple story. They are asked to give their full attention by not interrupting, maintaining eye contact and using other body language such as nodding to show they are paying attention.  After the story they are asked to paraphrase what they hear, but not add their own interpretation or biases.

“I often take my dog for a walk in the local woods.  There are signs that indicate dogs are required to be on a leash, but I let my dog off his leash.  I do this because I feel bad that he has to be on a leash all of the time plus he is really small and likes other dogs so there really isn’t any harm.”

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Discussion:

How did it feel to listen actively and not interrupt?

Was it difficult to paraphrase what you heard?

Did paraphrasing help you understand the other person’s point of view?

How hard is it to maintain neutrality when you feel emotion in one direction or another?